Please Come Back

Something inside me is missing,

Something that will never come back.

I saw the way you panted and heaved,

The dread was overwhelming

And I just knew.

I knew.

Continue reading “Please Come Back”

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New Year, New Me

It’s 2017 –

A new year, a new beginning, a new adventure!
As January rolls in, I relish the good things in life:

A happy family, good grades –
Yet as we celebrate Grandpa’s birthday, it seems as though

We have more reason to mourn.
Two months later,
Im dying inside,
Drowning in a tidal wave
Of emotions I’ve never felt before.
Life only went downhill from there.

It’s 2018 –

A new year, a new beginning, a new adventure,
And though I’m doubtful it’ll be joyful, I have to hope.
I’m stuck with nowhere to go,
And as February rolls around
I lose yet another piece of my heart.
I was right to my dismay. 2018 was as horrible as 2017.

It’s 2019, a new year, a new adventure.
I’ve been praying and hoping,
And even though I know nothing will change,

I’m grateful for the ever-changing mindset I’ve adopted.

For a moment, I’ve fooled myself into thinking things were getting better,
But it’s March 7th, and I’m thinking another piece of my heart has chipped away.

Why?
Death is inevitable, I’ve always known that,
But one year after another my heart breaks a little.
Is it just a cruel joke?
Is it not enough that I undermine myself?
Is it not enough to live an entire lifetime wishing to be normal?
Is it not enough that my emotions and sensitivity cause more harm than good?

I don’t know who I’ll lose next, but I’ll continue getting my hopes up for a better tomorrow

 

 

Thank You

1 2 3,

Started with a tragedy

4 5 6,

Months of stress, finally, finally, soothed by an angel

7 8 9,


And just like that, our tiny shred of happiness is snatched away

10 11 12,

When will this circle of dread, depression and anger lift?

13 14 15,

This test of faith I must pass,

Or I will surely go mad

this beaten woman I must stand by,

For we have no one else to trust

In this long hour of darkness,

I find comfort in the love and kindness of my teachers, my peers

Thank you for your unending support,

We really need it

If I could hug you all, I would

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Grandpa

Warning: References to death (non-graphic).


March eleventh, twenty seventeen

That was when you left me

Your hugs, your smile, your laugh as well

Why didn’t you tell us you weren’t well?

I’m trying my hardest not to cry

But I hope you’re happy, up in the sky

Easter Sunday

Warning &A/N: This poem relates Easter and religion. The blog’s look and layout will continue to change for a bit, I’m still working on some aesthetic issues….I’ll let you guys know when revisions are done (for good!).


He is risen.

Rejoice and celebrate His homecoming,

His love has triumphed, once again.

Cast out the Devil, at least a few hours,

Finally, finally, peace resides in this house.

Remember the fallen, the defeated, and the weary,

Honor their courage, their kindness, their truth,

As we feast in His name.

Discover my words, my joy, my sadness,

Remember that Love always wins in the end.

Thank you, for all that you’ve done,

Never will you be truly alone.

Reach For The Stars

Hollow and fragile are these boughs

Holding every burden, every fear – so

In my haste to climb down, away from the calamity,

I fell – yet I was not hurt, I fell in the serenity

Of a summery moonlight, shining like a fire

Without burning heat, no longer did I feel a dire

Need to do anything, I was flying amongst the stars,

Never did I think I’d get this far

The Second Eclipse

I hadn’t known you long,

But I felt closer to you than I’d ever thought possible

We both lost a father that day

And then, a month before his solemn anniversary,

You left to go be with him

You were far too young,

I suppose your heart just couldn’t take it

I wish it wasn’t so

Now Mother’s illness is worse,

There’s nothing a mere 16-year-old can do,

Except for watching the person she loves most

Break under the weight of the world.

It should’ve been the cruel, wretched man,

Who enjoys the cold embrace of evil

It should’ve been someone who deserved it

I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to get to know you

I truly hope that you have peace, now.

The First Eclipse

Your eyes remained closed

You did not utter one word

You didn’t sit up

And say, “Hey, ‘Shanie!”

And then, so suddenly,

I was falling, falling

So fast and crashed

Into the black, cold abyss,

A growing pain inside my chest

As I fell deeper still

A sparkling glint caught my eye, oh!


Coins upon coins, watches,

Frames full of pictures

Painful memories flash before my eyes

Alas, the pain grows

To be so unbearable

I look upon my chest,

And through the flesh and bone,

My heart, my vulnerable, weary heart,

Had broken in two

All the pain,

All the sadness,

All the struggles

Had been

Too

Much

The tears cascaded down my face

This man, who loved me until the very moment he died,

I would never see for decades to come

“I love you, Grandpa.”

I whispered desperately,

But he did not hear