Please Come Back

Something inside me is missing,

Something that will never come back.

I saw the way you panted and heaved,

The dread was overwhelming

And I just knew.

I knew.

Continue reading “Please Come Back”

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New Year, New Me

It’s 2017 –

A new year, a new beginning, a new adventure!
As January rolls in, I relish the good things in life:

A happy family, good grades –
Yet as we celebrate Grandpa’s birthday, it seems as though

We have more reason to mourn.
Two months later,
Im dying inside,
Drowning in a tidal wave
Of emotions I’ve never felt before.
Life only went downhill from there.

It’s 2018 –

A new year, a new beginning, a new adventure,
And though I’m doubtful it’ll be joyful, I have to hope.
I’m stuck with nowhere to go,
And as February rolls around
I lose yet another piece of my heart.
I was right to my dismay. 2018 was as horrible as 2017.

It’s 2019, a new year, a new adventure.
I’ve been praying and hoping,
And even though I know nothing will change,

I’m grateful for the ever-changing mindset I’ve adopted.

For a moment, I’ve fooled myself into thinking things were getting better,
But it’s March 7th, and I’m thinking another piece of my heart has chipped away.

Why?
Death is inevitable, I’ve always known that,
But one year after another my heart breaks a little.
Is it just a cruel joke?
Is it not enough that I undermine myself?
Is it not enough to live an entire lifetime wishing to be normal?
Is it not enough that my emotions and sensitivity cause more harm than good?

I don’t know who I’ll lose next, but I’ll continue getting my hopes up for a better tomorrow

 

 

The First Eclipse

Your eyes remained closed

You did not utter one word

You didn’t sit up

And say, “Hey, ‘Shanie!”

And then, so suddenly,

I was falling, falling

So fast and crashed

Into the black, cold abyss,

A growing pain inside my chest

As I fell deeper still

A sparkling glint caught my eye, oh!


Coins upon coins, watches,

Frames full of pictures

Painful memories flash before my eyes

Alas, the pain grows

To be so unbearable

I look upon my chest,

And through the flesh and bone,

My heart, my vulnerable, weary heart,

Had broken in two

All the pain,

All the sadness,

All the struggles

Had been

Too

Much

The tears cascaded down my face

This man, who loved me until the very moment he died,

I would never see for decades to come

“I love you, Grandpa.”

I whispered desperately,

But he did not hear