Please Come Back

Something inside me is missing,

Something that will never come back.

I saw the way you panted and heaved,

The dread was overwhelming

And I just knew.

I knew.

Continue reading “Please Come Back”

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New Year, New Me

It’s 2017 –

A new year, a new beginning, a new adventure!
As January rolls in, I relish the good things in life:

A happy family, good grades –
Yet as we celebrate Grandpa’s birthday, it seems as though

We have more reason to mourn.
Two months later,
Im dying inside,
Drowning in a tidal wave
Of emotions I’ve never felt before.
Life only went downhill from there.

It’s 2018 –

A new year, a new beginning, a new adventure,
And though I’m doubtful it’ll be joyful, I have to hope.
I’m stuck with nowhere to go,
And as February rolls around
I lose yet another piece of my heart.
I was right to my dismay. 2018 was as horrible as 2017.

It’s 2019, a new year, a new adventure.
I’ve been praying and hoping,
And even though I know nothing will change,

I’m grateful for the ever-changing mindset I’ve adopted.

For a moment, I’ve fooled myself into thinking things were getting better,
But it’s March 7th, and I’m thinking another piece of my heart has chipped away.

Why?
Death is inevitable, I’ve always known that,
But one year after another my heart breaks a little.
Is it just a cruel joke?
Is it not enough that I undermine myself?
Is it not enough to live an entire lifetime wishing to be normal?
Is it not enough that my emotions and sensitivity cause more harm than good?

I don’t know who I’ll lose next, but I’ll continue getting my hopes up for a better tomorrow

 

 

The Eternal War

I’m stuck

Between these two forces

They’re called “Self-hatred” and “Self-Love”

They’ve been at war

Since I was little

And now I think

In this recent battle,

Self-Hate has won,

Over and over and over again

I cherish the small victories

Self-Love has won,

But how long will it be

Before Self-Hate consumes me

Completely?

This eternal war

Will be the death of me

Empty

How does it feel to be numb?

You feel nothing at all

No anger

No happiness

Not even calmness

The only thing you can feel

Is a subtle, lingering sadness

You feel as though something is missing

Even if you have everything

You need,

Everything you want

To feel numb

Is desperately wanting

To feel something,

Anything

To feel numb

Is to feel

Incredibly

Unbearably

Empty

The Second Eclipse

I hadn’t known you long,

But I felt closer to you than I’d ever thought possible

We both lost a father that day

And then, a month before his solemn anniversary,

You left to go be with him

You were far too young,

I suppose your heart just couldn’t take it

I wish it wasn’t so

Now Mother’s illness is worse,

There’s nothing a mere 16-year-old can do,

Except for watching the person she loves most

Break under the weight of the world.

It should’ve been the cruel, wretched man,

Who enjoys the cold embrace of evil

It should’ve been someone who deserved it

I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to get to know you

I truly hope that you have peace, now.